Me and my boys

Doctor B

Yesterday, I had to take Caleb to the paed.

About 3 weeks ago he had an ear infection, bla bla, and today he had to go and check if the fluid in his ears had drained. I forgot ALL about it. Until about 9:45am. His appointment was at 11am. He finishes school at 12 noon.

I dropped Ewan at work, raced home (while obeying the speed limit of course love...) *hides her TWO latest fines under the table* pulled into woolies, found they didn't have anything I wanted. Raced home, arrived at 10:05am, gave Dan, leisurely-milk-drinker McPhail a quick snack, brush my insane hair, give the fill-in maid lunch, pack the nappy bag with the 'kit' for going to the paed and leave the house by 10:20am.

On the way out of the house, i opened the fridge to pack the going to the paed kit, to get snacks and i managed to knock out one of the shelves with the baby-bag. It happened to be....that's right, the shelf with the eggs and chocolate sprinkles on it. argh. Egg and chocolate ants all over my shoes, my ginger mary 3/4 pants, the floor, the fridge front, the baby bag, the baby. I thought that the fill-in maid was going to wet her pants she was laughing so hard. She stopped laughing tho, when i told her that she would have to clean it up seeing as i was now late for the doctor!

I then start running up the stairs in my house, with Dan under one arm, and i think i squeezed his tummy a bit because he proceeded to vom into the baby bag and onto the toys and mango slices. The baby vom also ran all down my, all ready eggy and chocolate anty ginger mary 3/4 pants, and shoes. It is now 10:30am. The appointment is at 11am. I still have to collect Caleb from school.

I arrive at school at 10:40ish, grab Caleb, hurl him into the car, strap him and head off down the m13. All the way he is asking me these ridiculous questions about why he is leaving school early, and 'where are we going mommy?' and 'why are we going to see Dr Botha and not Dr Manjra mommy?' and 'Does Dr Botha have suckers?' etc etc etc ad nauseam. Eventually we settle on the fact that he likes Dr Botha and Dr Manjra, and that he will have a sucker and that he won't cry. Oh yes, and also he will ask Dr B if his ears are working properly.

I arrive at Westville Hospital at 10:55am. I pluck the kids from the car and RUN up the stairs and down the corridor to Dr Botha's office....puffing and panting and wheezing, i open the door and.....he is not even in yet. The waiting room is full of snotty, whingey little kiddies and their even whingier parents. Great. Just Great. I announce our presence and ask the receptionist if we can go and get some lunch and come back. There are 3 people in front of me so obviously it's not a problem.

Off we go, back to the car to get the pram, strap Dan in and off we go to the hospital restaurant (which is actually rather nice). Have some food (ie i ate a salad and tried to stop Caleb from completely mutilating his cheese and tomato sarmie.) We went back up to the doctors office at 12:00.

We sat down and start the loong wait. I bought Caleb a kids magazine to try and keep him entertained, and suddenly, every single other kid in the waiting room realises that he has....A TOY and a book.....they descend on our little corner, like a group of hungry vulchers who have just spied a particularly tasty morsel of dead something. Caleb, is not impressed. He puffs out his chest and starts to turn the pages quickly and in random directions (ie just to make sure that no-one can understand what he's doing or derive any enjoyment out of his book). 12:30 comes and goes. 13:00 comes...and goes........13:30 comes...and Dan needs a feed. So i take him into the filing cupboard (ie the room for us poor breastfeeding moms) and feed him. Meanwhile, Caleb is opening the cupboards and rifling through other peoples stuff and then...he starts grunting.

'MOMMY !! So now i have a poo!' Great. I've left the nappy bag in the car. Quickly de-latch Dan who is quite pissed off by this whole delatching thing and run with Caleb under my arm, to the car, grab the nappy bag, run back upstairs, inform the receptionist that i am now back....'i'm sorry but you've just missed your slot, i've put someone else in in front of you.' great. Change Caleb's nappy and then sit and wait some more. 14:00 comes....and goes.

EVENTUALLY at 14:25 Dr Botha comes out and says 'Master Caleb' and does his weird little giggle. I am ready to get cross and say something nasty and i can feel my blood boiling and i sit down at his desk and before i can open my mouth he says 'Do you mind i if i just sneak out for a piddle?' i can't say anything i just nod and he lets himself out of his office back door. He comes back in 10 minutes later and gives me this HUGE grin and says 'Hullo Master Caleb, how are you?' and then he starts talking to me and asking questions and is so completely interested in my little boys, like there are no other children on earth that matter, just my boys. And instantly, all my frustrations disappear and i realise what a fantastic doctor he is and why i really don't mind waiting for him because one day it might be one of my kids that he needs to spend 3 hours with in an emergency situation.

We spent about 45 minutes in his office, chatting about Dan and his eating habits and my lack of sleep and everything else i was concerned about. I left and i felt like i only waited for half an hour!

What an amazing man. And i know that when i next have to go and see him, i will feel exactly the same frustrations while i'm waiting and will leave completely satisfied and will forget about the wait.

The best things truely do come to those who wait.

Shewee.....i kid you not.....

In my perusings this morning i came across this little gem.

It's called a 'Shewee'.  Honestly, i do not speak a word of lie, there is a product out there called a 'Shewee'.  *kackle*  What makes it even more entertaining is that it was invented by someone called 'Samantha Fountain'  HAHAHHAHHAH.

Basically it's a little bit of oddly shaped plastic that allows you to wee standing up. 

I'm sorry but i just don't get it.  I mean i do get it obviously, but, on the website they use phrases like 'stand up and take control' and my personal favourite 'Shewee doesn't just offer equality with men, but is a real and revolutionary device which will change women's lives.'  wow.  I didn't know that being able to wee standing would make me equal to men!!  Hurrah!  My prayers have been answered!!  Finally someone has come up with the answer to all women's issues!  Why didn't anyone think of this before?  All through the years where women have been oppressed, they were missing the solution all along....wee standing up!  Duh. 

*shakes head*

Then of course, you have the care instructions:-

'If you would like to wash the Shewee; once you get home the Shewee can go in the washing machine with your undies, be washed by hand in warm soapy water or even go in the dishwasher!'  OH MY hat how revolting.  That's like sticking your toilet bowl in the dishwasher with all your cutlery.

I have nothing against this invention, and i'm sure for sports people it's like a dream come true.  But for flips sake.  Equality to men my arse.  I wonder if it does world peace too?

What a kak day.

Today has been one of those days where i actually just wish i could have stayed in bed all day.  (Obviously that would involve attaching my children to the bed somehow so they couldn't run off and stick their fingers in plugs or anything.) 

I suppose, it wasn't actually that bad when i think about it now...but still i just feel like having a bit of a moan.

My domestic worker (not that she is actually any good anyway.) hasn't been to work for a month.  She is ill.  She has a mate who comes and works for me a couple of days a week while my lady is off and today she was busy.  Which means that i woke up and like threw myself into housework.  My amazing husband takes Dan with on the school run so that i get 30 minutes of 'no-kid in the house' time.  Usually i spend it making my breakfast, and Dan's and showering and getting dressed and drying my hair.  You know all the things that mom's don't get to do anymore!  This morning i spent it frantically putting on washing and unloading the dishwasher etc etc.  I also spent Dan's naptime tidying and cleaning and sorting washing.  I don't really mind but i have spent a month doing it myself and i'm over it now.  In fact, i am avoiding a mile-high pile of ironing that is taunting me as we speak.

Soo, then off i go to do the shopping etc which is always the highlight of my otherwise dull day.  Then i picked up Caleb from school, and had a hilarious conversation with him on the way to my mom's house.  I don't really like being alone in the afternoons, i get very lonely and very bored without any other adult person to talk to, so i try go to my mom's when i don't have a domestic worker.  My parent's don't really appreciate this.  *sigh*  I spent the whole day feeling like i was a complete nuisance.  My dad didn't talk to me for the whole afternoon and whenever my mother did, she was just all like grumpy with me.  I don't know why.  Grandparents are supposed to *want* you to come over.  So that made me sad.  I don't understand why it always has to be like a fight when i need them.  I help them whenever i can, in fact, even when they don't ask for help i will go out of my way to do nice stuff for them.  Ag bla bla bla listen to me whinge.

Anyway, the one excellent thing that happened today was Caleb wearing undies ALL AFTERNOON!!  Hooray.  I am so proud of the little guy.  He wee'd in the toilet like such a little star and was soo proud of himself.  He finishes weeing and then shakes his 'bit' and states loudly 'There is no more wee in my bit!' and then toddles off feeling happy.  What a cutey.

So then i get home and made dinner (lamb chops, cauliflower and pumpkin mash' and i decided to get really smart and make supper for tomorrow night while i was cooking (butternut soup).  So i got it on the stove and while i'm cooking i discover that i have frozen my LAST two litre coke light (that stuff is like gold, i'm SO annoyed at myself) anyway.  Then we start eating and the soup smells great, and then, it stops smelling great...........

I'm getting a new pot for my birthday on Wednesday!!

The perfect end, to the perfect day.

I am a ginger mary whore.

This is a pic of me in my birthday gifts from my husband. He sent me to shop! (i love my husband) So i bought, a Ginger Mary top, some Ginger Mary Jeans that make my bum look like you could bounce a coin off it (YEE HAA) and a Ginger Mary jersey.

*bliss*

I love Ginger Mary clothes.

I dont want anymore lunch! Dammit!

I've got cake up my bum!

Caleb comes up with the weirdest things sometimes.  I'd like to know what on earth he is smoking because i think we all need a bit of whatever he's got.

I've complied a list of my favourite of his little outbursts.

Caleb tries his hand at deductive reasoning:-

Cows make milk.....*pause for thought* 

Mommy makes milk for Daniel.....*pause for thought*

Mommy is a cow!!

Caleb while bathing, and making his own...er bubbles:-

I made a fart!  There are no more farts in my bum.  It's empty!  Daddy must put some more in!!

Caleb on being asked if he'd like some more cake:-

No thanks, I've got cake up my bum!

Caleb tries his hand at deductive reasoning again:-

God made me.

God made Dan-Dan

God made a brother for me

God made mommy

God made daddy

I'm a special monkey!

God made mommy a special monkey.....ME!!

Caleb tries story telling:-

Once upon a time, name oogli.

While watering himself with the hosepipe:-

I'm growing bigger, like mommy and daddy!

Caleb tries manipulation:-

Daddy, i put the stripey toy up my nose, so we can go to the doctor!  You will come home now daddy?

*pOp* <- dammit.  there go my ovaries again.

 

Some Pictures for your perusal and enjoyment!

(Me in my Ginger Mary top Lisa with Kiera Knightley hair)

Me, Andre* and Lisa (*Andre, my extremely, ridiculously good looking friend is single...any takers email me!)

Do you want some of my koek?

Yesterday we had Daniel's 1st birthday party, which means, our friends, my family (ie my mom and dad) and Ewan's family (his mom, dad and 1 of the 3 brothers and his wife and their new little baby - who is absolutely gorgeous) all in the same venue.

I find this whole party thing very tiring. All the prep starts like 3 days before hand, buying little bits of stuff here and there, and then i realised, horror of all horrors, that it's Friday before the party and i haven't made the koek!! So the tin gets booked, and collected and i spend the afternoon of an all ready mental day making Dan (who doesn't even know what cake is) a winnie the pooh cake. 

I then iced the winnie the pooh cake, which is a very long task, because you have to use one of those icing syringe thingies (check me using fancy baking terminology....) and cover the entire cake in teeny tiny little star shaped blobs.  I started icing the cake at about 8:30pm and finished at around 1am.  Man alive.  Here is winnie the pooh in all his glory.

Everyone starts arriving and it becomes abundantly clear to me that the party was actually for Caleb, who all ready asked me if he could 'borrow' his brother's birthday.  He had his little 'girlfriend' over and the two of them were making ovaries explode left right and centre, by being completely adorable.  He likes to feed people, she likes to be fed.  They both like to hug and kiss, so they spent a fair amount of time holding each other's hands and Caleb fed her flings on demand.  They even had a little phone conversation earlier on, Allegra actually asked if she could phone Caleb.  The phone conversation went something like this:-

Allegra's Dad:- 'Hi Clair!  Uhm, can my daughter please speak to your son?'

Clair:- 'Sure'

*hands phone over*

Caleb:- 'Hullo Legga!!!  Are you coming to Dan's party?'

Allegra:- 'Is it Danny's birthday?'

Caleb:- 'Ya!  Are you coming to my home?'

Allegra:- 'I wuv you Caleb'

Caleb:- 'I love you Legga!'

*completely unakward toddler silence*

Caleb:- 'I love you Legga!  Bye Legga!'

Allegra:- 'Bye Caleb i wuv you caleb.'

*PoP* <- The sound of Clair's ovaries exploding.

The party started at 3 and everyone left at about 6.  Then there was the standard post party clean up, which involved no washing of dishes!  I love my dishwasher.  But i had to vacuum up all the bits of red icing that covered the floor and then have a bit of a mop.  We have enough party food left over to have another party!  There is like 3/4 of the cake left, plus sausage rolls and chocolate muffins, and philly cheese and sweet chilli sauce and milk tart the list goes on and on and on.  What a waste!! 

I went to bed absolutely fried. 

Thank the good Lord kids only have one birthday party each.

*collapse in a heap*

Spider-mom

Do you want a piece of me?

size 10 jean pant

I have never ever been thin.

I have always been the one in the group who couldn't borrow clothes or anything because all my friends are thin and gorgeous and i have always always been, not thin.
In August last year a friend and i decided to go on weighless. At the start of it i was all like, 'bla bla whatever, put down whatever weight you like as my target, i will never ever in a million years get there.' Then i started to actually loose weight, 3kgs here, 1.5kgs there and as the months passed, i realised something....i was becomming thin!!

Now here i am a good few kilograms later putting on my friend's size 10 jeans! In fact they are a little on the baggy side.

This is like the biggest achievement i have ever had (i think). It's so weird how people treat you differently when you're thin. It's dreadful to say but people really do treat you entirely differently when you're over weight. Men hold doors open for you and offer to carry stuff for you and actually make eye contact with you! It's completely weird for me.

I am so much more confident now, i feel like i really can just talk to anyone. So YAY ME! Anyone out there who is wanting to loose a spot of weight...it can be done!!

Slaganini

This is my boy cat Baggy.(Baggy is short for Bagheera) He is the biggest slag on earth. While our other cat (lilly-pickle) will slag for food, baggy will slag just for the sake of slagging.

He is one of those cats that wakes you up at 3am gasping for air and sweating profusely because its 29 degrees and baggy feels that it 'could be warmer' so he has decided to sleep on your face.

Quite frankly, i think lilly has recategorised him as a dog.

What a bunch of FRIKKEN morons.

*sigh*

We ordered our kitchen in about November last year, the deposit was paid and everything was signed off. It is now, April. Which means that the kitchen people have had 5 months to make my, very simple, not even vaguely complicated cupboard doors.

So, can anyone explain to me why last week they were still cutting them? I just do not understand, in fact it completely boggles my brain. They knew that the renovations would all be done by the last week of March and they promised me faithfully that my kitchen would be finished then as well. And now i sit and i wait.

Last week, i phoned the owner and asked him when they would be coming. He gave me some huge long story about workers day and taxis and flying green monsters and man eating cows and eventually he said (after about 15 phone calls mind you) that they would be coming on Tuesday (yesterday) at about 8:30am.

8:30 came, and went and eventually at about 11 i asked my husband to phone him and find out what the hell was going on. You had better make sure you're sitting down when you hear this one and do bear in mind that this is a 'professional' kitchen company. He left a voice mail for Ewan saying 'Hi Ewan, i'm sorry, i thought today was Monday!! WOOPSIE!!! But it's cool they will come tomorrow, because i've all ready sent my guys out. Thanks hey. Cheers.'

He thought it was Monday.

I think that is very possibly the lamest thing i have ever heard in my whole entire life.

So this morning, 8:30am comes and of course there is no sign of our friend. I was just about to pick up the phone and find out if he knows what day it is and my phone rings.

'Hullo'

'Hi Clair, it's bob. Oh OH OHOH hold on i've got another call'

*insert annoying conversation with someone else in the background*

'COOL, hi clair. Ya listen hey, i was like all confused about what day it was yesterday *laugh*. Anyway, listen, i was in such a bloody rush this morning when i was packing the truck that i dropped your glass doors so i'll have to get them to remake them. But the guys will be there at about 9:30 ok. Thanks hey. Cheers.'

*click*

He dropped my glass doors.

*scream*

What is wrong with this man? What the hell has he been smoking???

Firstly he measured my fridge, but didn't bother to use the frikken measurements so we had to buy a new fridge because the cupboard backs had all ready been cut and they all kind of fit together around the fridge and his irritating receptionist who is about as friendly as an ostrich (and kind of resembles one) tried to blame me for their mistake by saying i told her we might be getting a new fridge. LIES lies lies!! There was never a new fridge plan.

Secondly he delayed for 2 weeks on the cupboard doors and his even more useless receptionist, kept telling me lies about why they were so late 'no no clair, we have to wait for the granite to settle.' What a load of cods-wallop. The granite people were like 'what?? No you can put the doors on straight away.'

Thirdly he gets days of the week mixed up.

Fourhly he has broken my glass doors! How long am i going to have to wait for that i wonder......

The fruits of my labour.

This is how my home looks now after all the unnecessary dust and noise and mess! It was SO worth it.

Rock Boobs and Nipple Grippers!

Dan is turning 1 on Thursday.

What on earth happened to my newborn??? Now he's crawling around, doing this weird little cyclopse/side-saddle crab-crawl, pointing at stuff going 'OOOHOOOH OOOOH!!' and chomping his way through boudoir's like they are going out of fashion, even though he only has 3 teeth. Or should i say 'nipple-grippers'.

Before Dan was born, i had all these well thought out plans, to give him a dummy, even in the hospital, and express milk for him and give it to him in bottles so that i could go out...to start him on the odd bottle of formula at one. Evidently, thick-thicky McThickThick over here forgot to consult with his royal highness on these matters.

Basically, Dan's take on the whole situation is as follows:-

1. Milk comes out of breasts. If i can't personally extract it from a breast i don't want it.

2. Why would i want a dummy when mom has nipples i can just suck on for ages!?

3. Dummies are only for stupid babies.

4. Bottles are only for stupid babies.

5. Teeth (nipple grippers) are to be used when nipples get removed from my mouth before i am finished drinking OR just using it as a dummy.

6. I can't sleep unless the nipples are close by....ie close enough to reach over and help myself to.

7. I prefer milk to food.

I am the first person on earth to say that breastfeeding is wonderful for both mothers and more importantly babies. But i think Dan may have taken this whole 'demand feed' thing a bit too far.

I am now starting the long and difficult 'rock-boob' (where your body makes so much milk that your boobs become rock hard and when the baby starts feeding it feels like you have a dreadful case of pins and needles) road that leads to reducing feeds at night. My body has got so used to making large quantities of milk for his lordship that it's going to be a rocky road ha ha. i know.

All that said and done i know i will be all upset when it's time to wean him....why are mother's so daft???

Barney Sex....

I hadn't heard about Barney-sex until i read about it on So Close and then i started seeing evidence of it all over the place, this morning was no exception.

We went to church and as usual, Ewan took Caleb off to Sunday school and i take Dan to the mother's room. I get to hear about 5% of the service and Ewan gets back to the basics of our faith by hearing all the kids lessons. (secretly he's just in it for the super-duper-sugar-buzz juice and biscuits they serve) He always has some entertaining stories to tell me afterwards.

This mornings story links right back to Barney-Sex at the end of the Bible story the teacher asked the kids 'And who loves you?' about 3/4 of the class yelled out 'BARNEY!' What does that tell you....

Housisms

Now this is cool......

Housisms

Yes, i know there is something a bit wrong with me, and it takes courage to admit it, but i find Hugh Laurie a bit sexy. there. I've said it.

Or maybe it's that i find Gregory House sexy....I certainly don't find Hugh Laurie in Blackadder sexy, just for the record. Frilly outfits and wigs don't do it for me.

What is it that attracts me to this grumpy old man...you know i can't quite put my finger on it....or is it just that i am now attracted to grumpy old men...

RRRACHNIDS! FARTS and old ladies.....

Caleb is now nearly 3 and absolutely hil-aaaa-rious. He says stuff in completely the wrong context but is SO utterly proud of himself for saying big words.

He has a story called 'The Bugliest Bug'. It's a really cute little story about Damselfly Dilly who is, 'neither clever nor frilly' who attends a 'Contest for insects' and saves the day by rescuing the bugs from the evil 'judges' who turn out to be arachnids. Well, she doesn't actually save them per se....she instructs 'each insect to do what each insect does best' and so they all do their thing and in the end its the stink bugs who 'give off their worst smells' that sends the arachnids running in terror. In the end, Dilly wins the competition and becomes the Bugliest Bug.....(sorry to ruin the ending for you.)

Anyway, Caleb can remember most of the story and has little bits where he likes to put in his two cents and say his part of the line, the whole book rhymes so i think that helps him remember. His favourite two parts are when it goes 'Those judges aren't insects she cried, they're ARACHNIDS!!' he scrunches up his little face and says in the same tone you would expect from someone who has just come face to face with an enormous doggy-doo inside their chicken mayonnaise sarmie, and says 'They're RRAAAAAAAAAACHHNIIIIDDSSS' and then growls a bit. It's also like his default line, if he can't remember what his part is he just goes 'RRRRAAAAAAAAAACHHNIIIDS!!' i promise you i could wet my broek laughing.

The other part he likes is when 'the stink bugs united, gave off their worst smells! PU, we give up, the spiders all yelled!' He yells at the top of his voice 'THEY FARTED!!! HAHAHH!' (he all ready finds farts and burps funny and he's only 3....oh boy.)

Yesterday i was making him lunch and i was trying to ascertain whether or not he wanted jam on his sandwich. I might as well have asked him what his feelings on global warming were. He just ignores me, it drives me up the pole! after about 20 minutes i held his shoulders and said 'Caleb, look in my eyes. Do you want jam on your sarmie?' to which he responds 'YES! YOU OLD LADY!!'

oh my hairy octopus tentacles.

Captured on camera...

I Know.

3 Posts. One evening. You don't even have to say it.

Anyhoo.

Whilst scrolling through my magnificent phone (Sony Ericsson k800i Casino Royale edition) I came across this gem of a photo.

While all the building was happening, my wonderful husband (whom i love more than chocolate) took some leave and on one of the days we decided to take the boys to Spur. If you don't know what Spur is, then you obviously don't have kids and eat at real restaurants.

Dan was asleep in his chair, and Ewan and Caleb went off so that Caleb could play on the slides etc. Then, they found the playstations!! Need i say anymore?

A Poem by me.

I love chocolate.

I love chocolate a LOT.

I really, really, REALLY love chocolate.

I really, really, REALLY love chocolate, a LOT.

The End.

The shortest and longest week of my life...

It's been such a weird week.

My best friend in the whole entire world was here from the UK for just one week. Just the one. You know how when you really don't want something to end, time whizzes by so quickly that you blink and a week is gone?? Well i had that while Lisa was here. I saw her Monday afternoon when she arrived, and then i blinked and it was WEDNESDAY. And then i saw her for dinner and then i blinked and it was FRIDAY!! And now i've blinked again and it's Sunday and she's going tomorrow. :-( Maybe the secret is to tape my eyes open with sticky tape next time she visits? I love Lisa. (no man, not like that stop thinking it....) She is the absolute best. We have been friends for 13 years. That's like lank long. You know when you have a friend that you can be apart from for ages, and then you get together and its like you were never apart. *SIGH* Dammit. Why can't it be cheap to fly to the UK? *mutter* *mutter*

On the other hand this week has been incredibly long, waiting and waiting and w-a-i-t-i-n-g for my renovations to be finished. My kitchen is looking absolutely fan-frikken-tastic if i may say so myself (you know like i made the cupboards myself) i definatley need to put up some before and after pictures. So now we're waiting for the cupboard doors to be put on, and for the cornices to be done in the kitchen and for a bit more painting and stuff. But it's looking great. I swept for 2 hours last night, TWO HOURS and the floor is still dusty, like really dusty. I just don't think my house will ever be clean again. I haven't been able to use my dishwasher properly for days. Do you have any idea just how much i love my dishwasher?

Still. I'd trade my dishwasher to have Lisa living back in Durban.

*sits in the corner and cries*