I went into the changeroom at the brand new spangly woolies today with a pair of size 10 jean pant to try on and a pair of size 8 jean pant to try on. Size 8. Let me just take that in......
The size 10 are too big. The size 8 are snug, I don't like snug pants, I'm terrified of someone going OH MY GOODNESS who gave that hippopotamus permission to get into those tight pants. Which means I am a size 9. ha ha ha. what a laugh. The pair of 8 pants I own (the ones I'm wearing in the before/after pics in a previous post actually) fit me perfectly, why do different shops make their pants slightly different sizes? I'm convinced that it's just to torture me.
So here's the confession. I am absolutely, completely and utterly terrified of putting on weight again. Not to the point where I obsess about what I eat, because I'm pretty good about that, but it bothers me to think that I could probably quite easily put on a few kilos in a few weeks. eek. At this point you're probably thinking that I'm incredibly vain. Maybe I am. But when you have been overweight for about 19 years of your 26 year life, you tend to battle to feel anything different about your body. I can't believe what comfort I used to find in food, now i just don't get that feeling from it anymore which is a really REALLY good thing otherwise i could too easily slip back into comfort eating I think.
Lisa said something to me the other day which really made me realise how stupid humans are, we cannot actually mess around with food, we just take it for granted, but stuffing around with it is actually not such a grand plan. (Sorry sweet that's a like total paraphrase) But she's so right, food has consequences!! Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
I had to buy a new belt today, (mine wraps around my hips one and a half times) and do you know something, I picked up a medium, examined it carefully, and thought to myself 'there is NO way that will go around me!' I measured it and sure enough, perfect fit, in fact i could have probably gone for the small. I looked at my jeans this morning and thought to myself ' can't believe my legs fit in there.' Why does it take us so long to change our mental/emotional perception of ourselves?
Old habits die hard...I suppose.
1 comment:
I had a normal build (aside from HUGE hands and feet, shoe size 9 at age 14, and you can't lose weight from those parts) until I was 28, then had kids, then got really fat (100kg, not making this up), then got so thin at 33 my periods stopped (50kg, I am 6'). Am now 43 years old and very far from thin but LOVE my bum and tummy and thighs, am a WOMAN and this is how I am meant to be. Eat what I want when I want and REALLY enjoy it. Have NO full-length mirrors in my house and seldom look at the face mirror in my bathroom. Threw away my scale. I now understand myself from the INSIDE OUT and it is amazing how other people understand me this way too now (because I myself do). First thing to do when in doubt: buy new clothes, bigger if necessary, but don't worry about the size. You live only once. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. (And eat a piece of fudge once very few days.)
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