Rock Boobs and Nipple Grippers!

Dan is turning 1 on Thursday.

What on earth happened to my newborn??? Now he's crawling around, doing this weird little cyclopse/side-saddle crab-crawl, pointing at stuff going 'OOOHOOOH OOOOH!!' and chomping his way through boudoir's like they are going out of fashion, even though he only has 3 teeth. Or should i say 'nipple-grippers'.

Before Dan was born, i had all these well thought out plans, to give him a dummy, even in the hospital, and express milk for him and give it to him in bottles so that i could go out...to start him on the odd bottle of formula at one. Evidently, thick-thicky McThickThick over here forgot to consult with his royal highness on these matters.

Basically, Dan's take on the whole situation is as follows:-

1. Milk comes out of breasts. If i can't personally extract it from a breast i don't want it.

2. Why would i want a dummy when mom has nipples i can just suck on for ages!?

3. Dummies are only for stupid babies.

4. Bottles are only for stupid babies.

5. Teeth (nipple grippers) are to be used when nipples get removed from my mouth before i am finished drinking OR just using it as a dummy.

6. I can't sleep unless the nipples are close by....ie close enough to reach over and help myself to.

7. I prefer milk to food.

I am the first person on earth to say that breastfeeding is wonderful for both mothers and more importantly babies. But i think Dan may have taken this whole 'demand feed' thing a bit too far.

I am now starting the long and difficult 'rock-boob' (where your body makes so much milk that your boobs become rock hard and when the baby starts feeding it feels like you have a dreadful case of pins and needles) road that leads to reducing feeds at night. My body has got so used to making large quantities of milk for his lordship that it's going to be a rocky road ha ha. i know.

All that said and done i know i will be all upset when it's time to wean him....why are mother's so daft???

Barney Sex....

I hadn't heard about Barney-sex until i read about it on So Close and then i started seeing evidence of it all over the place, this morning was no exception.

We went to church and as usual, Ewan took Caleb off to Sunday school and i take Dan to the mother's room. I get to hear about 5% of the service and Ewan gets back to the basics of our faith by hearing all the kids lessons. (secretly he's just in it for the super-duper-sugar-buzz juice and biscuits they serve) He always has some entertaining stories to tell me afterwards.

This mornings story links right back to Barney-Sex at the end of the Bible story the teacher asked the kids 'And who loves you?' about 3/4 of the class yelled out 'BARNEY!' What does that tell you....

Housisms

Now this is cool......

Housisms

Yes, i know there is something a bit wrong with me, and it takes courage to admit it, but i find Hugh Laurie a bit sexy. there. I've said it.

Or maybe it's that i find Gregory House sexy....I certainly don't find Hugh Laurie in Blackadder sexy, just for the record. Frilly outfits and wigs don't do it for me.

What is it that attracts me to this grumpy old man...you know i can't quite put my finger on it....or is it just that i am now attracted to grumpy old men...

RRRACHNIDS! FARTS and old ladies.....

Caleb is now nearly 3 and absolutely hil-aaaa-rious. He says stuff in completely the wrong context but is SO utterly proud of himself for saying big words.

He has a story called 'The Bugliest Bug'. It's a really cute little story about Damselfly Dilly who is, 'neither clever nor frilly' who attends a 'Contest for insects' and saves the day by rescuing the bugs from the evil 'judges' who turn out to be arachnids. Well, she doesn't actually save them per se....she instructs 'each insect to do what each insect does best' and so they all do their thing and in the end its the stink bugs who 'give off their worst smells' that sends the arachnids running in terror. In the end, Dilly wins the competition and becomes the Bugliest Bug.....(sorry to ruin the ending for you.)

Anyway, Caleb can remember most of the story and has little bits where he likes to put in his two cents and say his part of the line, the whole book rhymes so i think that helps him remember. His favourite two parts are when it goes 'Those judges aren't insects she cried, they're ARACHNIDS!!' he scrunches up his little face and says in the same tone you would expect from someone who has just come face to face with an enormous doggy-doo inside their chicken mayonnaise sarmie, and says 'They're RRAAAAAAAAAACHHNIIIIDDSSS' and then growls a bit. It's also like his default line, if he can't remember what his part is he just goes 'RRRRAAAAAAAAAACHHNIIIDS!!' i promise you i could wet my broek laughing.

The other part he likes is when 'the stink bugs united, gave off their worst smells! PU, we give up, the spiders all yelled!' He yells at the top of his voice 'THEY FARTED!!! HAHAHH!' (he all ready finds farts and burps funny and he's only 3....oh boy.)

Yesterday i was making him lunch and i was trying to ascertain whether or not he wanted jam on his sandwich. I might as well have asked him what his feelings on global warming were. He just ignores me, it drives me up the pole! after about 20 minutes i held his shoulders and said 'Caleb, look in my eyes. Do you want jam on your sarmie?' to which he responds 'YES! YOU OLD LADY!!'

oh my hairy octopus tentacles.

Captured on camera...

I Know.

3 Posts. One evening. You don't even have to say it.

Anyhoo.

Whilst scrolling through my magnificent phone (Sony Ericsson k800i Casino Royale edition) I came across this gem of a photo.

While all the building was happening, my wonderful husband (whom i love more than chocolate) took some leave and on one of the days we decided to take the boys to Spur. If you don't know what Spur is, then you obviously don't have kids and eat at real restaurants.

Dan was asleep in his chair, and Ewan and Caleb went off so that Caleb could play on the slides etc. Then, they found the playstations!! Need i say anymore?

A Poem by me.

I love chocolate.

I love chocolate a LOT.

I really, really, REALLY love chocolate.

I really, really, REALLY love chocolate, a LOT.

The End.

The shortest and longest week of my life...

It's been such a weird week.

My best friend in the whole entire world was here from the UK for just one week. Just the one. You know how when you really don't want something to end, time whizzes by so quickly that you blink and a week is gone?? Well i had that while Lisa was here. I saw her Monday afternoon when she arrived, and then i blinked and it was WEDNESDAY. And then i saw her for dinner and then i blinked and it was FRIDAY!! And now i've blinked again and it's Sunday and she's going tomorrow. :-( Maybe the secret is to tape my eyes open with sticky tape next time she visits? I love Lisa. (no man, not like that stop thinking it....) She is the absolute best. We have been friends for 13 years. That's like lank long. You know when you have a friend that you can be apart from for ages, and then you get together and its like you were never apart. *SIGH* Dammit. Why can't it be cheap to fly to the UK? *mutter* *mutter*

On the other hand this week has been incredibly long, waiting and waiting and w-a-i-t-i-n-g for my renovations to be finished. My kitchen is looking absolutely fan-frikken-tastic if i may say so myself (you know like i made the cupboards myself) i definatley need to put up some before and after pictures. So now we're waiting for the cupboard doors to be put on, and for the cornices to be done in the kitchen and for a bit more painting and stuff. But it's looking great. I swept for 2 hours last night, TWO HOURS and the floor is still dusty, like really dusty. I just don't think my house will ever be clean again. I haven't been able to use my dishwasher properly for days. Do you have any idea just how much i love my dishwasher?

Still. I'd trade my dishwasher to have Lisa living back in Durban.

*sits in the corner and cries*