Cliff Jennings....

So, old Cliff Jennings is a fake. Well all I can say is thank heavens, it means that town hill can relax and un-reserve the next available bed!!

For anyone to sing that badly, and take himself that seriously would just have been well, for want of a better word...wrong! His singing was horrendous and as for his song writing skills...they certainly left a lot to be desired. I mean come on, who would honestly write a song about a 'nubian princess' in any case?

BUT having said that, he was really entertaining, I'll be very interested to see what they have planned to explain themselves. I'm sure we will see on Sunday's show.

I'll also be very interested to find out whether or not it had anything to do with the creators of Idols....if it did, then how do we know that any of the contestants are actually 'real'

And so begins the conspiracy theory......

The drugs don't work....

I know, it's been a very long time since I actually wrote a post worth reading, I've not been lazy, it's just that I am so completely sleep deprived that if I did post, it would certainly not be worth reading at all.  Promise.

Dan and Caleb had their usual mid-August green snot and I took them off to see Dr Manjra, who asked me how Daniel's sleeping was going....I just burst out laughing, and I must have looked pretty darn desperate at that point because he said to me 'Why don't I give you a script for an anti-histamine that has a very 'unusual' side-effect....it makes your child sleep for the entire night. '  I was unsure at first and then, after much re-assurance from Dr M that it cannot harm him at all I warmed up to the idea of having a full night of sleep.

I very guiltily decided to give it to him about 3 days later, and it took hours of agonising to actually finally decide to give it to him. (I am one of those paranoid mommies who does not give medicine to her kids unless it is  deemed absolutely necessary by Dr B or Dr M) I gave him half the dose recommended by Dr M and put him to bed hoping for the best.  We checked his breathing several hundred times and he woke up for the first time at 4am!  7pm - 4am.  I was on top of the world, singing happy songs, and seeing little clumps of blue-birds above everybody's head.  The most solid sleep I have had since Daniel was born!!

Then, we decided to try it again about 2 weeks later, this time I gave him 3ml instead of 2.5ml just because we were having a farewell for my friend at home and I intended to have a few brutal fruits.  11pm....he woke up, 12 he woke up, 2am he woke up, 3am he woke up.   Why me?

After that we have tried it one more time, this time I also gave him 3ml, and he woke up at 1am, 2:30am and 4am.  He also got up while I was trying to put him to bed and hobbled around the bedroom!!!

Will I ever be able to sleep?

Why does he hate me so?

This post contains nudity.....

The boys had their best bath EVER last night.  They just played and played and played until the water got cold, and then we added some more hot water and they played some more!

Man I love my kids!!!!!

My Dan-Dan

*gush* thats my boy!

Bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger, BUGGER.

You know when look back at a day that you've endured and feel like sinking into a hole??

I joined Virgin Active gym yesterday (Monday) so that I could start doing a bit of exercise to firm up the jiggly bits, got the clothes and everything and decided that today (Tuesday) should be the beginning of my new era of fitness!  This is how it went....

07:30am get out of bed and put on gym clothes.  Try on 16 different tops.

07:50am look at hair in mirror....ghastly.  Fix hair.

08:15am feed baby breakfast - baby sneezes caramel jungle oats all over my gym top.   Put on new gym top, try on 15 different tops AGAIN.

08:45am feed baby milk.

09:00am start heading out the door, scratching madly in handbag for car keys......

09:06am get sms from husband 'Love, i've got the carkeys.' BUGGER.  Husband works in umhlanga.  Spare key has no batteries. 

09:15am phone Renault and find out how to start car without battery in key.

09:30am head off to gym, looking frazzled, baby not happy about being in the car.

09:45am arrive at gym, sign baby into 'Club-V' (ie baby creche thingy) and go to changeroom to put my bag in the locker.  Forgot padlock. BUGGER.  Give all my bags to the lady at the creche.

10:00am step onto treadmill, realise that i don't know how to work the thing (touch-screen with isidingo or some crap on it) look casual like (so as not to attract any gym personell) eventually get going.  Do a 20 minute run, am starting to really get into it and am now just starting to sweat a bit....

10:20am  'Mrs McPhail, please report to the Club-V area immediately'  BUGGER BUGGER BUGGER.  Press the stop button on the treadmill and rush downstairs.

10:23am baby is hysterical, has been crying for 10 minutes non-stop.  Try to comfort him but he's just not having any of it.  Debate whether or not to just go home and shower...realise, can't shower at home, because husband has remote for complex gate...i can get in, but not out again....have to pick caleb up at 12.....BUGGER.  Decide to ask the lady to hold onto screaming baby for 15 minutes while i shower.

10:30am Head off to shower, wash hair and body in 5 minutes. put on clothes in 5 minutes....

10:35am creche lady appears in change room with screaming baby and stalks off looking cross.  stuff you creche lady.

10:40am dry hair with, now smug baby sitting on the counter cooing and gurgling happily.  stuff you baby, stuff you!

10:45am scream out of the gym, up the  slated stairs that go over the pool, feel my show come off, my favourite shoe....hear *plop*  F*&#!!!!!! BUGGER.  Yep. shoe in pool.

10:47am walk up to gym staff member.   "i just dropped my shoe in the pool.  No, i don't want it back'  Head out of gym wearing ONE SHOE.  Buy new shoes.

*some time passes*

12:00 pick up caleb, his teacher informs me that he has been a total little toad today. Bugger.

Drive to umhlanga, get keys, have lunch with husband.  drive home.

15:00pm arrive home, eat approx 600grams of cooking chocolate.  feel sick.  it wasn't even good chocolate.

I wonder if i should go to gym tomorrow.............

You have been warned...

Heeeeelp!

I am so tired that I find myself thinking in circles and talking crap.  Okay, maybe i'm just looking for an excuse to 'talk crap' because it's something i do relatively often...ok it's something i do ALL THE TIME.

That's totally beside the point.

So, what I want to know is:-  Who can help me??

I've got a 15 month old son, Daniel, he is an absolute cherub...BUT he is a little green devil-monster and night.  He goes to sleep with relative ease, but then.....he starts to grow horns and wakes up at round about 12 and then he is a right royal pain in the ass.  Unfortunately, he won't go to sleep without having a little drinkie-poo at the mobile-milk bar (me). Which is ok, except now he doesn't want to leave the mobile milk bar, he just wants to stay attached to it all night long, and as soon as I move away from him, he sits up in bed, points at my bosoms and then wails, desperately like he's being murdered.  Which means that i am getting, at best 2 hours sleep a night.    There is just no way i can sleep which he is sucking on me!  I wake up feeling like i've had micro-abrasion on my nipples!!

His latest trick is, after being fed, to pretend to be asleep in my arms, at which point i pop him back in his bed, then he sits up, points at our bed, throws his head back and waaaails like only Dan Dan can wail, until he's in our bed and then he requests a little drinkie, by, very subtly, pulling my Pjyama top down!  What a F&*()ing liberty!!

Yes, i have tried dummies, he can projectile spit them across the room.

Yes, i have tried bottles, he is NOT into bottles, he refuses, buttons up his mouth and screams blue murder.

If my husband picks him up at night when he wakes up, he screams and throws a massive wobbly. 

We don't agree with 'controlled crying'. 

Does anyone have any suggestions??

Please?

*rocks self gently*

Scrubs Dr Cox opinion on weight loss....

an overweight patient has not been losing weight, despite Dr Cox's orders]
Dr. Cox: Lemme ask you a quick question: are you trying to make my head explode? Because you have no idea just how frustrating it is working your ass off trying to inflate a tiny little balloon inside somebody's clogged artery when all that person has to do, really is - oh, I don't know - go for a walk in the morning or choke down a fresh green salad. And you come back here looking like that? And, I know here, I know I'm supposed to be Dr. Give-A-Crap, but you wanna hear the God's honest truth? And this is a fact: you are what you eat. And you clearly went out and devoured a big fat guy, didn't ya?

 

Me giving Dan a driving lesson.

Confessions of an ex-fat person ;-)

I went into the changeroom at the brand new spangly woolies today with a pair of size 10 jean pant to try on and a pair of size 8 jean pant to try on. Size 8. Let me just take that in......

The size 10 are too big. The size 8 are snug, I don't like snug pants, I'm terrified of someone going OH MY GOODNESS who gave that hippopotamus permission to get into those tight pants. Which means I am a size 9. ha ha ha. what a laugh. The pair of 8 pants I own (the ones I'm wearing in the before/after pics in a previous post actually) fit me perfectly, why do different shops make their pants slightly different sizes? I'm convinced that it's just to torture me.

So here's the confession. I am absolutely, completely and utterly terrified of putting on weight again. Not to the point where I obsess about what I eat, because I'm pretty good about that, but it bothers me to think that I could probably quite easily put on a few kilos in a few weeks. eek. At this point you're probably thinking that I'm incredibly vain. Maybe I am. But when you have been overweight for about 19 years of your 26 year life, you tend to battle to feel anything different about your body. I can't believe what comfort I used to find in food, now i just don't get that feeling from it anymore which is a really REALLY good thing otherwise i could too easily slip back into comfort eating I think.

Lisa said something to me the other day which really made me realise how stupid humans are, we cannot actually mess around with food, we just take it for granted, but stuffing around with it is actually not such a grand plan. (Sorry sweet that's a like total paraphrase) But she's so right, food has consequences!! Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

I had to buy a new belt today, (mine wraps around my hips one and a half times) and do you know something, I picked up a medium, examined it carefully, and thought to myself 'there is NO way that will go around me!' I measured it and sure enough, perfect fit, in fact i could have probably gone for the small. I looked at my jeans this morning and thought to myself ' can't believe my legs fit in there.' Why does it take us so long to change our mental/emotional perception of ourselves?

Old habits die hard...I suppose.

Gratuitous kid photo

Oh my word my dan is THE cutest 13 and a half month old in the universe.

The mystical, amazing fantastic SECRET TO WEIGHTLOSS!!

I know. It's been ages, never mind, I'm back from my little sordid affair with Mr Gastro and Mr Flu.

Back to the topic at hand. I am SO sick and tired of hearing the following:- 'Oh, my gosh I need to lose some weight, so I'm just going to cut out carbs.' or I'm not dieting, I'm changing my lifestyle, so I'm cutting out carbs, you know bread, pasta, potatoes etc, all the bad food that makes you fat.'

WHAT A LOAD OF CODSWALLOP.

WAKE UP and smell the Low Glycemic Index Bread!!

My best friend in the whole world is a dietician, and I will ask her to make sure I don't say anything out of line but here.

I personally feel that, having lost 28kgs in 8 months, I am a relatively good authority on the subject of weightloss. Yes, 28kgs. Now that you've gotten over the shock, here are the before and after pics....

Before

After

RIGHT.

SO. Basically what I want to say is, if you want to lose weight, for heavens sake, be sensible. Use your brain! Think about something that you learn in primary school.....the food pyramid!! Lets review the food pyramid shall we?

(Thanks I took this from this site) http://www.superquinn.ie/download/1/food-pyramid+portions.jpg

It's very, VERY, simple...your diet should be made up of, mostly high-fibre, low Glycemic carbs, then fruits and vegetables, THEN dairy, THEN protein, then fat.

I'm sure that you are at least a little bit interested in what I did to lose all that weight....well, I'm going to tell you the secret....only, it's not a secret, it's nothing magical, it's nothing amazing, I didn't take any magical fat-melting, fat-blocking, lose weight now tablets, I didn't follow a low carb diet, and live on millet porridge and h'duki beans....all I did, was join Weighless, which is based on....THE FOOD PYRAMID. Here is one of my days basic menu:-

Breakfast

60grams of all bran cereal

125ml low fat milk

1 cup of decaf coffee

Snack

1 banana

1 yoghurt

Lunch

4 slices of slim-slice bread made into 2 sandwiches

filled with, 90grams of cold meat and about a tablespoon of Woolies reduced oil mayo, and some sliced tomato and lettuce or homemade coleslaw (if I have any)

1 can of coke light

Snack

1 Apple

1 yoghurt coated rice cake

1 cup of decaf coffee

Dinner

Lemon and Herb marinated chicken breasts from woolies (110grams of this)

salad (lettuce, tomato, cucumber, carrot, little bit of feta) woolies reduced fat mayo

Woolies microwave in the bag garlic and herb butter baby potatoes (90grams of these)

1 can of coke light/light juice.

Dessert

whatever fruits I have left in my allowance

if it's cold 1 cup of Cadbury's lite hot chocolate made with milk.

I also always drink 8 glasses of water a day which is surprisingly easy.

I would like to point out that I too have tried all the 'fashionable' diets, Dr Cohen, and a low carb diet or seven...they do work...BUT you feel like you want to die, your breath stinks and it is completely, totally and utterly unsustainable, and yes, I put on all the weight I had lost PLUS more.

The biggest secret to weightloss (in my humble opinion) is to ensure that whatever you do to lose weight, is sustainable. It has to be a life change, you have to be willing to eat a certain way for the rest of your life and that, I'm afraid is all there is to it. I have made that change and I couldn't be happier. We still 'cheat' and have steers once or twice a month and I eat all my chips! We have been to spur a few times and i have had, steak, chips a chocolate brownie and ice-cream, and loved every single solitary mouthful. I do not deprive myself of the things i love (chocolate, and ice-cream mainly) but i have changed my thinking about food entirely, i don't reward myself by having 'something nice to eat' food is not a reward, it's something we eat to sustain our bodies and to keep healthy and also for enjoyment, but junk food is not the only food that is completely totally and utterly delicious. Pink Lady apples are the bomb. Smoothies are your friend, you can conjure up the most divine healthy smoothies really easily and they taste great.

It is so unhealthy to go a low carb diet, here are 15 reasons from SideRoad.com why you shouldn't cut carbs:-

"1. Low carb (ketogenic) diets deplete the healthy glycogen (the storage form of glucose) stores in your muscles and liver.

2. Depletion of muscle glycogen causes you to fatigue easily, and makes exercise and movement uncomfortable.

3. Depletion of muscle glycogen leads to muscle atrophy (loss of muscle).

4. Loss of muscle causes a decrease in your basal metabolic rate.

5. Your muscles and skin lack tone and are saggy.

6. Some proponents of low carb diets recommend avoiding carbohydrates such as bread, pasta, potatoes, carrots, etc. because of they are high on the Glycemic index - causing a sharp rise in insulin.

7. Much of the weight loss on a low carb, high protein diet, especially in the first few weeks, is actually because of dehydration and muscle loss.

8. The percentage of people that re-gain the weight they've lost with most methods of weight loss is high, but it's even higher with low carb, high protein diets. This is primarily due to three factors:

A. You have lost muscle. With that comes a slower metabolism which means fewer calories are burned 24 hours-a-day. A loss of muscle during the process of losing weight is almost a guarantee for re-gaining the lost weight, and more.

B. You re-gain the healthy fluid lost because of glycogen depletion.

C. It's difficult to maintain that type of diet long-term.

D. You have not made a change to a long-term healthy lifestyle.

9. Eating too much fat is just not healthy.

10. As someone recently told me, "it must work - people are losing weight". People that are truly losing fat on low carb, high protein diets, are doing so because they are eating fewer calories - that's the bottom line. There is no magic - the same can be done on a healthy diet.

11. Low carb diets are lacking in fiber.

12. Low carb diets lack sufficient quantities of the the many nutrients / phytonutrients / antioxidants.

13. Americans already consume more than twice the amount of protein needed.

14. Low carb, high protein diets cause an unhealthy physiological state called ketosis, a type of metabolic acidosis.

15. Bad breath."

You've got the facts, so do something about it! Don't waste time and money on stupid meal replacements etc. The mystical, amazing fantastic secret to weightloss is....

There isn't one, and more importantly, we shouldn't aspire to be tiny little, skinny little thin little creatures, we should aspire to be healthy, happy, and confident in who we are.

Don't mess with the mama!

 

 

Today i have two sick boys. Dans got sinusitis and such bad post nasal drip its making him VOM all over the show. Caleb has got sinusitis and pink eye in BOTH eyes, he looks a bit like hes been smoking a bit of whacky baccy. 

So off we went to the paed which is always good fun. I hate it so much when both boys are sick! I just want to cuddle them both all the time and i dont know who to fix first! I just love these little sprogs so much.
At westville hospital, i was trying to get the two snot covered babes into the car after the doctors visit, some asshole pulls half way into the parking next to me and revs his car. I have got both front and back passenger doors open and my bum is hanging out the car while i try and strap the boys in. So i just took my time and he carried on. So i gave him the look and thought to myself DIAF (copyright kevin cadman) moron and carried on. THEN to add insult to injury he was only using the parking next to me to drive through so he could get to the parking in front of it so he could sit and smoke. He then got out his car and checked me out. Men are such pigs. * except Ewan of course.

Anti Bullard Propaganda

 

Thanks to my dear husband for these.

Stuff you David Bullard.

If I wanted to be a journalist, I would have become one.  I don't give a rats bottom if other people read my blog or not.  It is something that I do for me.  If you don't like blogs, then just don't read them, they are quite easy to avoid really.

Stuff you David Bullard, stuff you.

 

If it could go wrong - it did.....

Yesterday was one of those dreadful days.

It started out with me going to sleep at about 4am (thanks to tenacious D)and then being woken up by my alarm clock at 5:15. Yes that's just 1 hour and fifteen minutes sleep. Really great.

I then had to rush Ewan off to plantations and then rush Caleb to school and rush to the shop and RUSH home again (are you sensing a pattern here?) to get back for my mom's group meeting which was held at my house.

Mom's group meeting was really nice and the highlight of my week. I just love sitting with other people in the same proverbial, boat as me.

Then i got a phonecall from my husband. My domestic worker passed away yesterday morning, leaving behind 2 teenage daughters. It just hit me like a flippen ton of bricks had been dropped onto my head. The two girls have no idea what was wrong with their mother. She refused to tell them, which makes me wonder if she wasn't HIV+. She went for a test apparently which was negative, but then they sent her for a CD4 count...which they only do if you're HIV positive? In anycase it doesn't matter what she died of, the point is she is now gone and i miss her terrible english and strange sense of humour and even her annoying habits. I am so worried now about her daughters, it SUCKS that some people can be so rich that they have money pouring out of their bums and then there are some people who have, literally nothing.

I went to my mother's house in the afternoon for a bit of company, arrived there at about 2 and she was about as sympathetic as jelly-fish. My father is still not speaking to me - all because i go to their house. I went to the shop to get stuff for dinner and couldn't find anything that i wanted. Went to pick up Ewan from work at about 5:00pm....the N2 was closed due to a cash-in-transit heist....i found that out, when i had JUST got onto the N2. Luckily i could get off at Umgeni Road, i got horribly lost and wanted to burst into tears at the poor petrol attendant who i asked for directions. I eventually got to Ewan's office after 6, had to go the LOOONG way home (we all ready live about 40km's from Ewan's office anyway) which means we got to Hillcrest after 7 and then as we went past the Hillcrest turn off, we got stopped by another accident. We got home at about 7:20 (that's 2 hours 20 minutes in the car with the boys) and then they got bathed and got to bed. I just felt so completely drained.

Today i'm still feeling so sad about my domestic worker. It really just sucks.

p.s I have just discovered that the groceries i bought for yesterday for dinner tonight are past their sell-by date. It is now about 8 o clock. I think i will go and set-fire to my hair now.

Me and my boys

Doctor B

Yesterday, I had to take Caleb to the paed.

About 3 weeks ago he had an ear infection, bla bla, and today he had to go and check if the fluid in his ears had drained. I forgot ALL about it. Until about 9:45am. His appointment was at 11am. He finishes school at 12 noon.

I dropped Ewan at work, raced home (while obeying the speed limit of course love...) *hides her TWO latest fines under the table* pulled into woolies, found they didn't have anything I wanted. Raced home, arrived at 10:05am, gave Dan, leisurely-milk-drinker McPhail a quick snack, brush my insane hair, give the fill-in maid lunch, pack the nappy bag with the 'kit' for going to the paed and leave the house by 10:20am.

On the way out of the house, i opened the fridge to pack the going to the paed kit, to get snacks and i managed to knock out one of the shelves with the baby-bag. It happened to be....that's right, the shelf with the eggs and chocolate sprinkles on it. argh. Egg and chocolate ants all over my shoes, my ginger mary 3/4 pants, the floor, the fridge front, the baby bag, the baby. I thought that the fill-in maid was going to wet her pants she was laughing so hard. She stopped laughing tho, when i told her that she would have to clean it up seeing as i was now late for the doctor!

I then start running up the stairs in my house, with Dan under one arm, and i think i squeezed his tummy a bit because he proceeded to vom into the baby bag and onto the toys and mango slices. The baby vom also ran all down my, all ready eggy and chocolate anty ginger mary 3/4 pants, and shoes. It is now 10:30am. The appointment is at 11am. I still have to collect Caleb from school.

I arrive at school at 10:40ish, grab Caleb, hurl him into the car, strap him and head off down the m13. All the way he is asking me these ridiculous questions about why he is leaving school early, and 'where are we going mommy?' and 'why are we going to see Dr Botha and not Dr Manjra mommy?' and 'Does Dr Botha have suckers?' etc etc etc ad nauseam. Eventually we settle on the fact that he likes Dr Botha and Dr Manjra, and that he will have a sucker and that he won't cry. Oh yes, and also he will ask Dr B if his ears are working properly.

I arrive at Westville Hospital at 10:55am. I pluck the kids from the car and RUN up the stairs and down the corridor to Dr Botha's office....puffing and panting and wheezing, i open the door and.....he is not even in yet. The waiting room is full of snotty, whingey little kiddies and their even whingier parents. Great. Just Great. I announce our presence and ask the receptionist if we can go and get some lunch and come back. There are 3 people in front of me so obviously it's not a problem.

Off we go, back to the car to get the pram, strap Dan in and off we go to the hospital restaurant (which is actually rather nice). Have some food (ie i ate a salad and tried to stop Caleb from completely mutilating his cheese and tomato sarmie.) We went back up to the doctors office at 12:00.

We sat down and start the loong wait. I bought Caleb a kids magazine to try and keep him entertained, and suddenly, every single other kid in the waiting room realises that he has....A TOY and a book.....they descend on our little corner, like a group of hungry vulchers who have just spied a particularly tasty morsel of dead something. Caleb, is not impressed. He puffs out his chest and starts to turn the pages quickly and in random directions (ie just to make sure that no-one can understand what he's doing or derive any enjoyment out of his book). 12:30 comes and goes. 13:00 comes...and goes........13:30 comes...and Dan needs a feed. So i take him into the filing cupboard (ie the room for us poor breastfeeding moms) and feed him. Meanwhile, Caleb is opening the cupboards and rifling through other peoples stuff and then...he starts grunting.

'MOMMY !! So now i have a poo!' Great. I've left the nappy bag in the car. Quickly de-latch Dan who is quite pissed off by this whole delatching thing and run with Caleb under my arm, to the car, grab the nappy bag, run back upstairs, inform the receptionist that i am now back....'i'm sorry but you've just missed your slot, i've put someone else in in front of you.' great. Change Caleb's nappy and then sit and wait some more. 14:00 comes....and goes.

EVENTUALLY at 14:25 Dr Botha comes out and says 'Master Caleb' and does his weird little giggle. I am ready to get cross and say something nasty and i can feel my blood boiling and i sit down at his desk and before i can open my mouth he says 'Do you mind i if i just sneak out for a piddle?' i can't say anything i just nod and he lets himself out of his office back door. He comes back in 10 minutes later and gives me this HUGE grin and says 'Hullo Master Caleb, how are you?' and then he starts talking to me and asking questions and is so completely interested in my little boys, like there are no other children on earth that matter, just my boys. And instantly, all my frustrations disappear and i realise what a fantastic doctor he is and why i really don't mind waiting for him because one day it might be one of my kids that he needs to spend 3 hours with in an emergency situation.

We spent about 45 minutes in his office, chatting about Dan and his eating habits and my lack of sleep and everything else i was concerned about. I left and i felt like i only waited for half an hour!

What an amazing man. And i know that when i next have to go and see him, i will feel exactly the same frustrations while i'm waiting and will leave completely satisfied and will forget about the wait.

The best things truely do come to those who wait.

Shewee.....i kid you not.....

In my perusings this morning i came across this little gem.

It's called a 'Shewee'.  Honestly, i do not speak a word of lie, there is a product out there called a 'Shewee'.  *kackle*  What makes it even more entertaining is that it was invented by someone called 'Samantha Fountain'  HAHAHHAHHAH.

Basically it's a little bit of oddly shaped plastic that allows you to wee standing up. 

I'm sorry but i just don't get it.  I mean i do get it obviously, but, on the website they use phrases like 'stand up and take control' and my personal favourite 'Shewee doesn't just offer equality with men, but is a real and revolutionary device which will change women's lives.'  wow.  I didn't know that being able to wee standing would make me equal to men!!  Hurrah!  My prayers have been answered!!  Finally someone has come up with the answer to all women's issues!  Why didn't anyone think of this before?  All through the years where women have been oppressed, they were missing the solution all along....wee standing up!  Duh. 

*shakes head*

Then of course, you have the care instructions:-

'If you would like to wash the Shewee; once you get home the Shewee can go in the washing machine with your undies, be washed by hand in warm soapy water or even go in the dishwasher!'  OH MY hat how revolting.  That's like sticking your toilet bowl in the dishwasher with all your cutlery.

I have nothing against this invention, and i'm sure for sports people it's like a dream come true.  But for flips sake.  Equality to men my arse.  I wonder if it does world peace too?

What a kak day.

Today has been one of those days where i actually just wish i could have stayed in bed all day.  (Obviously that would involve attaching my children to the bed somehow so they couldn't run off and stick their fingers in plugs or anything.) 

I suppose, it wasn't actually that bad when i think about it now...but still i just feel like having a bit of a moan.

My domestic worker (not that she is actually any good anyway.) hasn't been to work for a month.  She is ill.  She has a mate who comes and works for me a couple of days a week while my lady is off and today she was busy.  Which means that i woke up and like threw myself into housework.  My amazing husband takes Dan with on the school run so that i get 30 minutes of 'no-kid in the house' time.  Usually i spend it making my breakfast, and Dan's and showering and getting dressed and drying my hair.  You know all the things that mom's don't get to do anymore!  This morning i spent it frantically putting on washing and unloading the dishwasher etc etc.  I also spent Dan's naptime tidying and cleaning and sorting washing.  I don't really mind but i have spent a month doing it myself and i'm over it now.  In fact, i am avoiding a mile-high pile of ironing that is taunting me as we speak.

Soo, then off i go to do the shopping etc which is always the highlight of my otherwise dull day.  Then i picked up Caleb from school, and had a hilarious conversation with him on the way to my mom's house.  I don't really like being alone in the afternoons, i get very lonely and very bored without any other adult person to talk to, so i try go to my mom's when i don't have a domestic worker.  My parent's don't really appreciate this.  *sigh*  I spent the whole day feeling like i was a complete nuisance.  My dad didn't talk to me for the whole afternoon and whenever my mother did, she was just all like grumpy with me.  I don't know why.  Grandparents are supposed to *want* you to come over.  So that made me sad.  I don't understand why it always has to be like a fight when i need them.  I help them whenever i can, in fact, even when they don't ask for help i will go out of my way to do nice stuff for them.  Ag bla bla bla listen to me whinge.

Anyway, the one excellent thing that happened today was Caleb wearing undies ALL AFTERNOON!!  Hooray.  I am so proud of the little guy.  He wee'd in the toilet like such a little star and was soo proud of himself.  He finishes weeing and then shakes his 'bit' and states loudly 'There is no more wee in my bit!' and then toddles off feeling happy.  What a cutey.

So then i get home and made dinner (lamb chops, cauliflower and pumpkin mash' and i decided to get really smart and make supper for tomorrow night while i was cooking (butternut soup).  So i got it on the stove and while i'm cooking i discover that i have frozen my LAST two litre coke light (that stuff is like gold, i'm SO annoyed at myself) anyway.  Then we start eating and the soup smells great, and then, it stops smelling great...........

I'm getting a new pot for my birthday on Wednesday!!

The perfect end, to the perfect day.

I am a ginger mary whore.

This is a pic of me in my birthday gifts from my husband. He sent me to shop! (i love my husband) So i bought, a Ginger Mary top, some Ginger Mary Jeans that make my bum look like you could bounce a coin off it (YEE HAA) and a Ginger Mary jersey.

*bliss*

I love Ginger Mary clothes.

I dont want anymore lunch! Dammit!

I've got cake up my bum!

Caleb comes up with the weirdest things sometimes.  I'd like to know what on earth he is smoking because i think we all need a bit of whatever he's got.

I've complied a list of my favourite of his little outbursts.

Caleb tries his hand at deductive reasoning:-

Cows make milk.....*pause for thought* 

Mommy makes milk for Daniel.....*pause for thought*

Mommy is a cow!!

Caleb while bathing, and making his own...er bubbles:-

I made a fart!  There are no more farts in my bum.  It's empty!  Daddy must put some more in!!

Caleb on being asked if he'd like some more cake:-

No thanks, I've got cake up my bum!

Caleb tries his hand at deductive reasoning again:-

God made me.

God made Dan-Dan

God made a brother for me

God made mommy

God made daddy

I'm a special monkey!

God made mommy a special monkey.....ME!!

Caleb tries story telling:-

Once upon a time, name oogli.

While watering himself with the hosepipe:-

I'm growing bigger, like mommy and daddy!

Caleb tries manipulation:-

Daddy, i put the stripey toy up my nose, so we can go to the doctor!  You will come home now daddy?

*pOp* <- dammit.  there go my ovaries again.

 

Some Pictures for your perusal and enjoyment!

(Me in my Ginger Mary top Lisa with Kiera Knightley hair)

Me, Andre* and Lisa (*Andre, my extremely, ridiculously good looking friend is single...any takers email me!)

Do you want some of my koek?

Yesterday we had Daniel's 1st birthday party, which means, our friends, my family (ie my mom and dad) and Ewan's family (his mom, dad and 1 of the 3 brothers and his wife and their new little baby - who is absolutely gorgeous) all in the same venue.

I find this whole party thing very tiring. All the prep starts like 3 days before hand, buying little bits of stuff here and there, and then i realised, horror of all horrors, that it's Friday before the party and i haven't made the koek!! So the tin gets booked, and collected and i spend the afternoon of an all ready mental day making Dan (who doesn't even know what cake is) a winnie the pooh cake. 

I then iced the winnie the pooh cake, which is a very long task, because you have to use one of those icing syringe thingies (check me using fancy baking terminology....) and cover the entire cake in teeny tiny little star shaped blobs.  I started icing the cake at about 8:30pm and finished at around 1am.  Man alive.  Here is winnie the pooh in all his glory.

Everyone starts arriving and it becomes abundantly clear to me that the party was actually for Caleb, who all ready asked me if he could 'borrow' his brother's birthday.  He had his little 'girlfriend' over and the two of them were making ovaries explode left right and centre, by being completely adorable.  He likes to feed people, she likes to be fed.  They both like to hug and kiss, so they spent a fair amount of time holding each other's hands and Caleb fed her flings on demand.  They even had a little phone conversation earlier on, Allegra actually asked if she could phone Caleb.  The phone conversation went something like this:-

Allegra's Dad:- 'Hi Clair!  Uhm, can my daughter please speak to your son?'

Clair:- 'Sure'

*hands phone over*

Caleb:- 'Hullo Legga!!!  Are you coming to Dan's party?'

Allegra:- 'Is it Danny's birthday?'

Caleb:- 'Ya!  Are you coming to my home?'

Allegra:- 'I wuv you Caleb'

Caleb:- 'I love you Legga!'

*completely unakward toddler silence*

Caleb:- 'I love you Legga!  Bye Legga!'

Allegra:- 'Bye Caleb i wuv you caleb.'

*PoP* <- The sound of Clair's ovaries exploding.

The party started at 3 and everyone left at about 6.  Then there was the standard post party clean up, which involved no washing of dishes!  I love my dishwasher.  But i had to vacuum up all the bits of red icing that covered the floor and then have a bit of a mop.  We have enough party food left over to have another party!  There is like 3/4 of the cake left, plus sausage rolls and chocolate muffins, and philly cheese and sweet chilli sauce and milk tart the list goes on and on and on.  What a waste!! 

I went to bed absolutely fried. 

Thank the good Lord kids only have one birthday party each.

*collapse in a heap*

Spider-mom

Do you want a piece of me?

size 10 jean pant

I have never ever been thin.

I have always been the one in the group who couldn't borrow clothes or anything because all my friends are thin and gorgeous and i have always always been, not thin.
In August last year a friend and i decided to go on weighless. At the start of it i was all like, 'bla bla whatever, put down whatever weight you like as my target, i will never ever in a million years get there.' Then i started to actually loose weight, 3kgs here, 1.5kgs there and as the months passed, i realised something....i was becomming thin!!

Now here i am a good few kilograms later putting on my friend's size 10 jeans! In fact they are a little on the baggy side.

This is like the biggest achievement i have ever had (i think). It's so weird how people treat you differently when you're thin. It's dreadful to say but people really do treat you entirely differently when you're over weight. Men hold doors open for you and offer to carry stuff for you and actually make eye contact with you! It's completely weird for me.

I am so much more confident now, i feel like i really can just talk to anyone. So YAY ME! Anyone out there who is wanting to loose a spot of weight...it can be done!!

Slaganini

This is my boy cat Baggy.(Baggy is short for Bagheera) He is the biggest slag on earth. While our other cat (lilly-pickle) will slag for food, baggy will slag just for the sake of slagging.

He is one of those cats that wakes you up at 3am gasping for air and sweating profusely because its 29 degrees and baggy feels that it 'could be warmer' so he has decided to sleep on your face.

Quite frankly, i think lilly has recategorised him as a dog.

What a bunch of FRIKKEN morons.

*sigh*

We ordered our kitchen in about November last year, the deposit was paid and everything was signed off. It is now, April. Which means that the kitchen people have had 5 months to make my, very simple, not even vaguely complicated cupboard doors.

So, can anyone explain to me why last week they were still cutting them? I just do not understand, in fact it completely boggles my brain. They knew that the renovations would all be done by the last week of March and they promised me faithfully that my kitchen would be finished then as well. And now i sit and i wait.

Last week, i phoned the owner and asked him when they would be coming. He gave me some huge long story about workers day and taxis and flying green monsters and man eating cows and eventually he said (after about 15 phone calls mind you) that they would be coming on Tuesday (yesterday) at about 8:30am.

8:30 came, and went and eventually at about 11 i asked my husband to phone him and find out what the hell was going on. You had better make sure you're sitting down when you hear this one and do bear in mind that this is a 'professional' kitchen company. He left a voice mail for Ewan saying 'Hi Ewan, i'm sorry, i thought today was Monday!! WOOPSIE!!! But it's cool they will come tomorrow, because i've all ready sent my guys out. Thanks hey. Cheers.'

He thought it was Monday.

I think that is very possibly the lamest thing i have ever heard in my whole entire life.

So this morning, 8:30am comes and of course there is no sign of our friend. I was just about to pick up the phone and find out if he knows what day it is and my phone rings.

'Hullo'

'Hi Clair, it's bob. Oh OH OHOH hold on i've got another call'

*insert annoying conversation with someone else in the background*

'COOL, hi clair. Ya listen hey, i was like all confused about what day it was yesterday *laugh*. Anyway, listen, i was in such a bloody rush this morning when i was packing the truck that i dropped your glass doors so i'll have to get them to remake them. But the guys will be there at about 9:30 ok. Thanks hey. Cheers.'

*click*

He dropped my glass doors.

*scream*

What is wrong with this man? What the hell has he been smoking???

Firstly he measured my fridge, but didn't bother to use the frikken measurements so we had to buy a new fridge because the cupboard backs had all ready been cut and they all kind of fit together around the fridge and his irritating receptionist who is about as friendly as an ostrich (and kind of resembles one) tried to blame me for their mistake by saying i told her we might be getting a new fridge. LIES lies lies!! There was never a new fridge plan.

Secondly he delayed for 2 weeks on the cupboard doors and his even more useless receptionist, kept telling me lies about why they were so late 'no no clair, we have to wait for the granite to settle.' What a load of cods-wallop. The granite people were like 'what?? No you can put the doors on straight away.'

Thirdly he gets days of the week mixed up.

Fourhly he has broken my glass doors! How long am i going to have to wait for that i wonder......

The fruits of my labour.

This is how my home looks now after all the unnecessary dust and noise and mess! It was SO worth it.

Rock Boobs and Nipple Grippers!

Dan is turning 1 on Thursday.

What on earth happened to my newborn??? Now he's crawling around, doing this weird little cyclopse/side-saddle crab-crawl, pointing at stuff going 'OOOHOOOH OOOOH!!' and chomping his way through boudoir's like they are going out of fashion, even though he only has 3 teeth. Or should i say 'nipple-grippers'.

Before Dan was born, i had all these well thought out plans, to give him a dummy, even in the hospital, and express milk for him and give it to him in bottles so that i could go out...to start him on the odd bottle of formula at one. Evidently, thick-thicky McThickThick over here forgot to consult with his royal highness on these matters.

Basically, Dan's take on the whole situation is as follows:-

1. Milk comes out of breasts. If i can't personally extract it from a breast i don't want it.

2. Why would i want a dummy when mom has nipples i can just suck on for ages!?

3. Dummies are only for stupid babies.

4. Bottles are only for stupid babies.

5. Teeth (nipple grippers) are to be used when nipples get removed from my mouth before i am finished drinking OR just using it as a dummy.

6. I can't sleep unless the nipples are close by....ie close enough to reach over and help myself to.

7. I prefer milk to food.

I am the first person on earth to say that breastfeeding is wonderful for both mothers and more importantly babies. But i think Dan may have taken this whole 'demand feed' thing a bit too far.

I am now starting the long and difficult 'rock-boob' (where your body makes so much milk that your boobs become rock hard and when the baby starts feeding it feels like you have a dreadful case of pins and needles) road that leads to reducing feeds at night. My body has got so used to making large quantities of milk for his lordship that it's going to be a rocky road ha ha. i know.

All that said and done i know i will be all upset when it's time to wean him....why are mother's so daft???

Barney Sex....

I hadn't heard about Barney-sex until i read about it on So Close and then i started seeing evidence of it all over the place, this morning was no exception.

We went to church and as usual, Ewan took Caleb off to Sunday school and i take Dan to the mother's room. I get to hear about 5% of the service and Ewan gets back to the basics of our faith by hearing all the kids lessons. (secretly he's just in it for the super-duper-sugar-buzz juice and biscuits they serve) He always has some entertaining stories to tell me afterwards.

This mornings story links right back to Barney-Sex at the end of the Bible story the teacher asked the kids 'And who loves you?' about 3/4 of the class yelled out 'BARNEY!' What does that tell you....

Housisms

Now this is cool......

Housisms

Yes, i know there is something a bit wrong with me, and it takes courage to admit it, but i find Hugh Laurie a bit sexy. there. I've said it.

Or maybe it's that i find Gregory House sexy....I certainly don't find Hugh Laurie in Blackadder sexy, just for the record. Frilly outfits and wigs don't do it for me.

What is it that attracts me to this grumpy old man...you know i can't quite put my finger on it....or is it just that i am now attracted to grumpy old men...

RRRACHNIDS! FARTS and old ladies.....

Caleb is now nearly 3 and absolutely hil-aaaa-rious. He says stuff in completely the wrong context but is SO utterly proud of himself for saying big words.

He has a story called 'The Bugliest Bug'. It's a really cute little story about Damselfly Dilly who is, 'neither clever nor frilly' who attends a 'Contest for insects' and saves the day by rescuing the bugs from the evil 'judges' who turn out to be arachnids. Well, she doesn't actually save them per se....she instructs 'each insect to do what each insect does best' and so they all do their thing and in the end its the stink bugs who 'give off their worst smells' that sends the arachnids running in terror. In the end, Dilly wins the competition and becomes the Bugliest Bug.....(sorry to ruin the ending for you.)

Anyway, Caleb can remember most of the story and has little bits where he likes to put in his two cents and say his part of the line, the whole book rhymes so i think that helps him remember. His favourite two parts are when it goes 'Those judges aren't insects she cried, they're ARACHNIDS!!' he scrunches up his little face and says in the same tone you would expect from someone who has just come face to face with an enormous doggy-doo inside their chicken mayonnaise sarmie, and says 'They're RRAAAAAAAAAACHHNIIIIDDSSS' and then growls a bit. It's also like his default line, if he can't remember what his part is he just goes 'RRRRAAAAAAAAAACHHNIIIDS!!' i promise you i could wet my broek laughing.

The other part he likes is when 'the stink bugs united, gave off their worst smells! PU, we give up, the spiders all yelled!' He yells at the top of his voice 'THEY FARTED!!! HAHAHH!' (he all ready finds farts and burps funny and he's only 3....oh boy.)

Yesterday i was making him lunch and i was trying to ascertain whether or not he wanted jam on his sandwich. I might as well have asked him what his feelings on global warming were. He just ignores me, it drives me up the pole! after about 20 minutes i held his shoulders and said 'Caleb, look in my eyes. Do you want jam on your sarmie?' to which he responds 'YES! YOU OLD LADY!!'

oh my hairy octopus tentacles.

Captured on camera...

I Know.

3 Posts. One evening. You don't even have to say it.

Anyhoo.

Whilst scrolling through my magnificent phone (Sony Ericsson k800i Casino Royale edition) I came across this gem of a photo.

While all the building was happening, my wonderful husband (whom i love more than chocolate) took some leave and on one of the days we decided to take the boys to Spur. If you don't know what Spur is, then you obviously don't have kids and eat at real restaurants.

Dan was asleep in his chair, and Ewan and Caleb went off so that Caleb could play on the slides etc. Then, they found the playstations!! Need i say anymore?

A Poem by me.

I love chocolate.

I love chocolate a LOT.

I really, really, REALLY love chocolate.

I really, really, REALLY love chocolate, a LOT.

The End.

The shortest and longest week of my life...

It's been such a weird week.

My best friend in the whole entire world was here from the UK for just one week. Just the one. You know how when you really don't want something to end, time whizzes by so quickly that you blink and a week is gone?? Well i had that while Lisa was here. I saw her Monday afternoon when she arrived, and then i blinked and it was WEDNESDAY. And then i saw her for dinner and then i blinked and it was FRIDAY!! And now i've blinked again and it's Sunday and she's going tomorrow. :-( Maybe the secret is to tape my eyes open with sticky tape next time she visits? I love Lisa. (no man, not like that stop thinking it....) She is the absolute best. We have been friends for 13 years. That's like lank long. You know when you have a friend that you can be apart from for ages, and then you get together and its like you were never apart. *SIGH* Dammit. Why can't it be cheap to fly to the UK? *mutter* *mutter*

On the other hand this week has been incredibly long, waiting and waiting and w-a-i-t-i-n-g for my renovations to be finished. My kitchen is looking absolutely fan-frikken-tastic if i may say so myself (you know like i made the cupboards myself) i definatley need to put up some before and after pictures. So now we're waiting for the cupboard doors to be put on, and for the cornices to be done in the kitchen and for a bit more painting and stuff. But it's looking great. I swept for 2 hours last night, TWO HOURS and the floor is still dusty, like really dusty. I just don't think my house will ever be clean again. I haven't been able to use my dishwasher properly for days. Do you have any idea just how much i love my dishwasher?

Still. I'd trade my dishwasher to have Lisa living back in Durban.

*sits in the corner and cries*

Renoir Bisque.....vs PIENK.....

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaai theeere....

Our kitchen cupboards are being installed tomorrow *clair prays for no rain*. I have been living without a kitchen for like a week now and quite frankly it's enough. I know that i still have another week left, but at least there will be something happening in there!! I never realised how much i use the kitchen until it was gone! Although having an 'outdoor' fridge has certainly helped wto curb snacking, getting up and going OUTSIDE to get something to eat when you feel a 'bit snacky' is just not happening. Also having to wait for the dishwasher for a recepticle to eat the snack off kind of kills the mood.

So, back to the origional topic....the paint saga. Today is Sunday, and the builder sent in one poor lonely painter to paint the kitchen ready for the cupboards to be installed tomorrow. So off he goes, merrily painting the ceiling and the airvents in white and then he removed all the screws from the walls and put some of that polly-filler stuff in them and sanded them all down nicely and then he went and got the tin of 'renoir bisque' which the building supervisor dude had mixed for me and poured it into the tray.

I stood for a few minutes and squited at the tray. (because of course, when you squint or narrow your eyes it changes your vision entirely) I then went to the tin of paint and looked at the swatch on top of the lid. It was kind of like renoir bisque but it just didn't look right. So i stood for about 10 minutes watching the poor guy painting away merrily and then it hit me. PIENK. They had taken my paint codes for Renoir Bisque and had added FLIPPEN PINK TO IT. It looked horrendous!

I called Ewan (who gets orange and pink mixed up so probably not the wisest choice - but never mind) to have a look and we opened up my tin of the real renoir bisque and put the new fake one next to it and it was completely obvious even to Ewan that they are different.

*scream*

Luckily i had one tin of renoir bisque leftover from painting the bedroom, so the painter could use it to paint the kitchen ready for tomorrow morning. Although, it would help if he had actually finished the painting. *sigh*

Now the poor building contractor guy is going to have to take all the paint back and is going to have to get it mixed correctly. I just don't believe it.

I can just see him coming back with 90000 paint samples and none of them being the real thing.
How can it possibly be so difficult to take the codes from the paint, mix them up and get the right colour??? WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE????

or am i the one with the problem???

*sniff*

Schmoooooozer rhymes with LOSER!!

Haaaaaaaaai there!

Let me start off with a little disclaimer, i am in no way prejudiced against all sales people, only those who graduated from the school of schmooze.

Our poor long suffering, sticky-half-chewed-sweet seat covered, bits of dried chewed soggy mango stuck to the roof, but also much loved car had to go in for a service, which is fine i booked it in about two weeks ago, we collected the rent a car (a RED toyota Yaris.....which deserves a post all of it's own) last night and this morning my husband took our car down the hill to the dealership and is assigned a 'person' to deal with for the duration of our service, i think i will call him simon because it goes nicely with schmooze....schmoozey simon. yes. I skillfully avoided taking the car down to the dealership for it's service, SPECIFICALLY because of schmoozey-simon. Last time i took it in for a service, i had to stop myself from VOM-ing due to the excessive amounts of gratuitous CRUD that spewed-forth from the slimey-sticky mouth of schmoozey-simon and frankly the thought of having to make conversation with him made me feel sick to the stomach *retch*

So after a wonderful day with my family, i get a phone call from a 'withheld' number. I answer the phone and hear 'Well hullo there, is that the lovely Mrs McPhail?' *retch* there is no mistaking that voice.

'Yes hullo Simon.'

'Oooooh you remembered me'

*retch again*

'Right well, Mrs McPhail, i'm just phoning you in connection with your Vehi-clay'
*double retch*

'Well Mrs McPhail, Unfortunately due to unforseen circumstances Mrs McPhail, we had to carry out some additional work Mrs McPhail (why the HELL DOES HE KEEP REPEATING MY NAME????) and Mrs McPhail, i was just giving you a tinkle (*REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETCH*) to give you a quote for the additional work, Mrs McPhail.'

'Now Mrs McPhail, you requested that we replace THE right headlight blub, Mrs McPhail, we have done this at a cost of eighty South African Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrront (i kid you not, this man said RONT with a ROLLED RRRRR) *wretch* also Mrs McPhail, here at Schmoozy-Cars we pride ourselves on our fantastic safety standards and Mrs McPhail we noticed that your brake pads needed replacing, so Mrs McPhail we do feel it necessary to do this and also the brake discs at a cost of one thousand South African Ront.' *reeeetch again* - maybe i have hairballs??

*arb conversation with lots of retardedly fake little giggles from Simon and none in return by me*

'So Mrs McPhail, will you be collecting your vehi-CLAY *gag* this afternoon? Who was it that dropped it off this morning by the way?'

'My Husband'

'aaaw, Mrs McPhail, why are the pretty ones always taken? *fake giggle*'

*DRY HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAVE*

So the conversation ended and i thought that was the end of my encounter with Schmoozey Simon.

i was sorely mistaken.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, it turned out that i had to pick up the car....
I walk into the dealership and i can see him, sitting there grinning his annoying fake grin that i'm SURE is just stuck there with two pieces of sticky tape, and then it starts......

'MRS MCPHAIL!! It's SOOO lovely to see you Mrs McPhail!! Please do sit down Mrs McPhail so that i can go through all bits and bobs with you *wretch wretch wretch*'
While i was sitting there, Ewan sms'd me and my phone goes 'MOO!'' when i get an sms.
'OOOOOH!' says simon, 'that's soooo cute!! MY WIFE LOVES COWS!!! What is it about them? They are just sooo cute' *VOM*

'I"m so sorry Mrs McPhail that i couldn't have her (i HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE CALL CARS HER) bathed. *retch* But we just ran out of time Mrs McPhail. But Mrs McPhail, when you're next in the area Mrs McPhail, and you have a half an hour spare Mrs McPhail you must pop in and visit and we'll send her for a bit of a scrub for you, at no additional charge to yourself.'

GEE WHIZZZBANG!! i can't WAIT to spend half an hour in the presence of SCHMOOZEY SIMON!! In fact i'm so excited i think i will go tomorrow........oh rats i just remembered i'm having my TOE NAILS PLUCKED!!!!!!!!!

Mobile Kitchens are manky....

Haaaaaaaaai there!

Its midnight and im lying in bed using my cell phone to post this blog, isn't technology just cool?As you know, we are currently doing renovations and today my kitchen started to get gutted. Its a weird thing looking at my kitchen all empty, feels like my house is missing something. In the mean time i have made up a mobile kitchen in what used to be my shelving system when our house in goble road had no cupboards. Also Rowan has lent me his gas camping stove, its such a clever design, almost like using a REAL appliance. Ha ha ha.

In other events, we are now getting a new fridge because even though the kitchen guy measured our old fridge, they kind of neglected to use the right measurements! Our fridge now will not fit in. Fantastic. Anyway we now have a 1.85 metre gorgeous new fridge so Yay for mistakes even if they sap my curtain budget....*sniff*

What do you mean all this dust was UNNECESARY?!?!?!?!?!?!?

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI THEEEEEEEEEEEERE.

Since i last posted, we have started our renovations. Wee! Fun!! Well, not exactly. We have a wonderful builder, he really if fantastic, so friendly and helpful and his crew are great and polite etc. If anyone wants any building done and you're in the greater durban area, you really want to use Arrow Construction. There i've done my bit.

Now, lets move on to my fun story.....My house is kind of separated into two sections, living area (Dining Room, Kitchen, Lounge) and then the bedrooms and bathrooms This was very clever planning. Anyhoo, currently our living area, is uninhabitable. My couches are in the garage, my bookcase is in the bedroom, dining room table is still there but it is covered in like 49 layers of brick dust. I really can't even begin to explain to you what we've had done, but basically it involves breaking down 2 whole walls, one half wall (to make the kitchen open plan with a breakfast bar) moving two doors, and making the floors level in two separate areas. The entire kitchen has to be stripped is being re-done entirely. The floors are being ripped up and tiled and everywhere is being plastered and or painted. The bedroom and bathroom area are not being touched. It's not really a massive job, but boy oh boy ooooh boy is it messy.

So far we have got most of the breaking down of stuff out of the way, its just the half wall left to demolish and then everything else like the tiling and stripping of kitchen. I thought that the worst of the mess was over, i mean logically you'd think that breaking down a wall would be messier than chasing cables? Right? WRONG.
OOOH MY GOODNESS GRAPEJUICE.

The electrician arrived today to chase the cables, i had NO idea what that meant up until today and now that i know, i wish i'd known earlier so that i could have avoided it at all costs. Basically it involves making like channels in walls following electrical cables to put in plugs, light switches etc. Doesn't sound too bad really. They use an angle grinder and something else i *think* i couldn't really tell. My kids, domestic worker and i were in the bedroom end of the house, expecting a little bit of dust. NEXT THING there is bright red, ultra-fine brick dust POURING in through the inter leading door. I won't go into long details but basically, everything in my house is red. The floor, the walls, INSIDE the cupboards (which were closed) the ceilings, the GARAGE, the garden, just everywhere, you name the surface, and i'm pretty much willing to put money on the fact that it has dust on it. The cats have spent the whole entire afternoon/evening cleaning themselves. Anyway so i got the kids out the window and went to seek refuge at my mom's house while they finished up.
While all this was happening i spoke to my sister in-law who has just had the MOST gorgeous little girl. I was telling her all about the red dust and the mess etc etc. Her husband (my husband's brother) is a qualified electrician. We get home at about 6:30 and the electrician has turned the lights off in the 'uninhabitable, living' area So we can't even turn lights on, next thing the phone rings, it's Rory (my husband's brother) calling to find out why on earth there is so much mess and dust. Ewan explained to him that the electrician was chasing points etc etc. Rory got all cross and informed us that for R160 a day you can hire a DUSTLESS ANGLE GRINDER. *FUME* I am absolutely fuuurious. SO yes, all this dust was completely unnecessary.

SO i'm just warning you mr electrician. You know who you are. i WILL hunt you down and when i find you, i'm going to empty the entire contents of my vacuum cleaner inside your car seeing as you like unnecessary dust so much............

Why working on a saturday is hazardous...

Here's how it all started....

My poor long suffering husband, had to work on a 10 February. 9am - 5:41pm to be presact.

There was someone at work on that day (who shall remain nameless)with the flu.

My husband, had to work closely with that person.

On Monday morning, Caleb refused to go to school, he cried for mommy and clung to his teacher like a baby monkey. I went to collect him at 9am. Ewan was still with me. Which means that he only arrived at work at 10am.....(you're wondering how this is related to working on a Saturday at this point...hold on a second there skippy....i'm getting to the point) Later that afternoon, Caleb started coughing...like that 'i'm going to hack up a lung type of coughing.' Ewan came home that evening with a snotty nose and the sniffles.....THEREFORE, Ewan picked up the flu, while WORKING ON SATURDAY, gave it to Caleb, which resulted in him not wanting to stay at school, which resulted in Ewan being late for work. Therefore, working on Saturday makes you late for work.

By Thursday, Caleb was feeling really miserable, the snot was flowing free and green (sorry for those non-parents reading this) and his cough sounded like a brontosaurus. He came home from school and said 'Mommy, i'm sick i need to go to the doctor'. So off he went to see Dr Mandrax (Actually Manjra...thanks Pappy...) we saw the doctor, probably for about 10 minutes, got the script and left....(how is this related you ask??) I received the statement on email yesterday, hold onto your supportive undergarments.... FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY RAND for a CONSULT....goodness GRACIOUS ME!! I wish i was a paed!! I didn't even look at the price of the anti-biotic. THEREFORE, Ewan picked up the flu while, WORKING ON SATURDAY, and passed it on to Caleb, which resulted in him having to go to the doctor, which resulted in me having to spend R450.00 on a doctors visit.....BUT WAIT!! THERE"S MORE!

Over the weekend, Dan-Dan started coughing too and got a high temperature, which resulted in him NOT SLEEPING. Which resulted in EWAN AND I NOT SLEEPING. Which resulted in:-

a) a grumpy wife
b) a grumpy baby
c) 2 days sick leave for Ewan
d) ANOTHER DOCTORS VISIT - Which resulted in:-
e) Yup, spending more money

THEREFORE, Ewan caught the flu while, WORKING ON SATURDAY, which resulted in Caleb getting sick, which resulted in Daniel getting sick, which resulted in ME GETTING SICK, which resulted in ANOTHER DOCTORS VISIT. WHICH in turn, resulted in spending ANOTHER R450.00, PLUS money for medication. Dan can't take the medicine he just throws it up, which resulted in anti-biotic injections.

Therefore working on Saturday is bad for your wallet, and for your relationship with your wife, and causes sick leave.

It is therefore true that working on Saturday is bad, as it has the following ill-effects

a) sickness
b) late-for-workness
c) spending large sums of money
d) having a sick, grumpy spouse and children
d) sick leave.

THEREFORE, working on Saturday is counter-productive and should be BANNED...because i say so.

the end.

*psst* have you got any butternut soup?

*Sigh*
It's like 20 past 2 in the afternoon and i have been awake for 11 hours all ready! Surely that should be illegal? I think my children are on a mission to kill me......one day Caleb is going to pin me down and Dan Dan is gonna drown me in dribble, okay so it may take a while and the flaw in the plan is that children are impatient, there is hope! Either that, or i'll die of sleep deprivation, can you die from sleep deprivation? *ponders*

So anyway, it's one of my favourite kind of days, i suspect some people would think that this kind of weather is gloomy, i love it. I like nothing better than to wake up, look out of the window and see the sky in a gorgeous shade of satin grey, and feel that refreshing chill in the air when i get out of bed. It really just charges my batteries, makes me feel so alive!

Today is one of those days, it could be a little bit colder, but then that would be pushing my luck! Afterall this is summer...in DURBAN..ie HOT. God really customized today for me. So anyway, i decided to try some butternut soup from this smoothie, vegan, organic, whatever shop in the shopping centre i frequent, i'm always too nervous to go in there alone, there are never any customers in there and the guy behind the counter is just a little bit borderline....anway, so i pushed the double pram containing 1 x bored 2 year old and 1 x sleeping 6 month old into the shop and wait for the large fussy lady infront of me to finish deciding whether or not the sandwich she is ordering will be big enough for her, obviously not, she orders two. Then, and this should have been my first warning sign, she asks if he can do a chicken mayo sandwich for her daughter, so he thinks for about half an hour and says 'unfortunately we dont have mayo.' so she says, 'really? no mayo at all?' he says 'no but i can make a tzaziki sauce with cucumber and yoghurt.' she says no but she wont eat that so he says 'oh, how about beef?' (because beef is so like mayo?) so she says 'no, i want chicken mayo' he says 'i dont have any, how about tzaziki sauce?' this goes on for a while and eventually she settles for cheese and tomato. so she pays and waits hungrily in the corner rubing her trotters together with glee at the thought of her TWO mediterrannean chicken sarmies.

Anyway so i ask if they have any butternut soup. A simple question, i thought, i mean it's ON the menu.....so the guy looks at me for a few moments (obviously this is a loaded question and i'm actually asking for weed/an illegal weapon) and says 'i'm sorry unfortunately we only have one portion left, and the chicken and coconut soup hasn't stood for long enough.' right. this is not a good start. 'So, is the last portion of butternut soup that you have left for sale?' he ponders this briefly 'yes he says, the coconut and chicken soup hasn't stood for long enough yet.' (what is it with this damn coconut and chicken soup?!?!) 'Okay, thanks can i take that please, and a small strawberry juice. Oh and do you have a bag of some description that i can put it in' (seeing as i'm pushing the pram and carrying some packets) Obviously that was just like information overload. 'Woah,' he says, hopping frantically around behind the counter (he has a broken leg) 'unfortunately we only have brown paper bags' GOOD GRIEF!?!!? what has this dude been smoking?? 'That will be fine, could i have one please?' he stares at me blankly for about 8 seconds, sweat is starting to form on his forehead.....'what for?' at this point i really feel like saying 'so that i can chop you up into bits and put you in it' but i don't, i just smile sweetly, and say 'to carry my juice and soup, i have a lot to carry' he looks relieved and says 'sure,' and laughs a little, then hops back to the smoothie machine.

Another lady walks in and orders a lentil soup. I was curious to see what effect this would have on the guy, surprisingly he says 'sure' (obviously lentil soup is something he can easily identify), and she goes and sits down. 5 minutes later he calls her over and hands her a bag. She says 'oh' and he says 'oh did you want to eat here?' she says 'ya, thats why i was sitting there' he says 'sorry m'am unfortunately, we dont have any bowls...'

At this point im wondering if the soup just gets poured straight into the brown paper bag. I think she is too, she eyes the bag suspiciously, opens it up and takes out a plastic cup thing with the soup in it, she goes and sits down and eats her soup. By now the large lady is drooling, I am beginning to feel concerned for the safety of my babies delicate little thighs, she might, afterall mistake them for chicken wings or some other delectable item. I get my soup and juice in a bag, and leave, quickly he says 'bye' and waves enthusiastically. i dont.

So i get to the car and have a look at my soup, which is not properly blended. yum. So i have some, and give my 2 year old a bit, which he proceeded to spit all over the car - he did not approve.

It was, i will admit, good soup, a bit lumpy, but tasty. Next time, i'm going in there and i'm going to order something completely weird that's not on the menu and watch him squirm......i'm a stay at home mum..............i don't get out much........

I am, or at least i feel like, a senior citizen...

Ewan and i went to a friend's 21st birthday party on Saturday evening, it was a lovely party, HOWEVER. It made me feel in a word. OLD. Here's me at the ripe old age of 26, sitting amongst all these tiny little, skinny, little, thin little 18-20 year olds feeling old. I went and got myself, what i thought was quite a snappy outfit, from Truworths (you can't go much wrong there - or so i thought) and when i arrived, i realised that all the other girls were wearing pretty much the same thing, just in different colours....and what they were wearing was NOT my outfit. How have i missed this fashion trend??? Not that i could have fitted into any of the teeeny, tiny little teeny-bopper frocks but still. I feel like somewhere, somehow i have lapsed into this weird phase of life, somwhere between the teeny boppers and the parents of the teeny boppers...is this a late twenties crisis??? I was happy to note that Carin who was also there, and is the same age as me, was not wearing the 'standard frock' either. obviously, they hide clothes like that from people of 'our age'.....

Isn't it funny how things don't appeal to you as much as they used to as you get older?? Or is that just me? Watching my poor friend drinking his down-down, and then suseqently 'chundering' it into the bushes, this weird, almost maternal feeling came over me, and i felt really sorry for him!! I wanted to rush to his aid and hand him some of the lavendar-scented wet-wipes i had stored safely in my handbag and offer him a glass of water and send him off to bed with a corenza C and a disprin!! I didn't find it even vaguely funny, but a few years ago i would have been laughing my head off. AAAh how times and things change. Listening to his friends and older brother, telling stories about him and his drinking exploits made me feel really sorry for him, hearing how they had 240 shots of 'super c' (whatever that is, back in MY DAY it was a type of 'healthy' sweet with vitamin C in it!!) just made me think, 'gosh how dumb, they could have got alcohol poisoning.' What has happened to me? Before, the first thought that would have popped into my head would have been 'nooo waaay, i wish i'd been there' or something to that effect in any case.

Then, we moved on to the dancing phase of the evening...after the speeches and food, i was feeling ready to drink a cup of tea and snuggle up on the couch, and i realised it was time to have a bit of a dance. Somehow, i have missed out on a whole other style of dancing it seems too....this kind of weird like, dance while holding your drink thing...trying to explain it would just be silly. In any event, we found ourselves floating further and further into the corner of the dance floor with the parents of the teeny boppers...and you know what, i felt comfortable there!!
His dad put on the home video and i was watching him grow from a baby to a man and it brought a tear to my eye realising that i too will be at my son's 21st birthday one day, and then i will be REALLY old.....
aaah, how being a parent changes things...