Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger, BUGGER.

You know when look back at a day that you've endured and feel like sinking into a hole??

I joined Virgin Active gym yesterday (Monday) so that I could start doing a bit of exercise to firm up the jiggly bits, got the clothes and everything and decided that today (Tuesday) should be the beginning of my new era of fitness!  This is how it went....

07:30am get out of bed and put on gym clothes.  Try on 16 different tops.

07:50am look at hair in mirror....ghastly.  Fix hair.

08:15am feed baby breakfast - baby sneezes caramel jungle oats all over my gym top.   Put on new gym top, try on 15 different tops AGAIN.

08:45am feed baby milk.

09:00am start heading out the door, scratching madly in handbag for car keys......

09:06am get sms from husband 'Love, i've got the carkeys.' BUGGER.  Husband works in umhlanga.  Spare key has no batteries. 

09:15am phone Renault and find out how to start car without battery in key.

09:30am head off to gym, looking frazzled, baby not happy about being in the car.

09:45am arrive at gym, sign baby into 'Club-V' (ie baby creche thingy) and go to changeroom to put my bag in the locker.  Forgot padlock. BUGGER.  Give all my bags to the lady at the creche.

10:00am step onto treadmill, realise that i don't know how to work the thing (touch-screen with isidingo or some crap on it) look casual like (so as not to attract any gym personell) eventually get going.  Do a 20 minute run, am starting to really get into it and am now just starting to sweat a bit....

10:20am  'Mrs McPhail, please report to the Club-V area immediately'  BUGGER BUGGER BUGGER.  Press the stop button on the treadmill and rush downstairs.

10:23am baby is hysterical, has been crying for 10 minutes non-stop.  Try to comfort him but he's just not having any of it.  Debate whether or not to just go home and shower...realise, can't shower at home, because husband has remote for complex gate...i can get in, but not out again....have to pick caleb up at 12.....BUGGER.  Decide to ask the lady to hold onto screaming baby for 15 minutes while i shower.

10:30am Head off to shower, wash hair and body in 5 minutes. put on clothes in 5 minutes....

10:35am creche lady appears in change room with screaming baby and stalks off looking cross.  stuff you creche lady.

10:40am dry hair with, now smug baby sitting on the counter cooing and gurgling happily.  stuff you baby, stuff you!

10:45am scream out of the gym, up the  slated stairs that go over the pool, feel my show come off, my favourite shoe....hear *plop*  F*&#!!!!!! BUGGER.  Yep. shoe in pool.

10:47am walk up to gym staff member.   "i just dropped my shoe in the pool.  No, i don't want it back'  Head out of gym wearing ONE SHOE.  Buy new shoes.

*some time passes*

12:00 pick up caleb, his teacher informs me that he has been a total little toad today. Bugger.

Drive to umhlanga, get keys, have lunch with husband.  drive home.

15:00pm arrive home, eat approx 600grams of cooking chocolate.  feel sick.  it wasn't even good chocolate.

I wonder if i should go to gym tomorrow.............

Thursday, July 19, 2007

You have been warned...

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Heeeeelp!

I am so tired that I find myself thinking in circles and talking crap.  Okay, maybe i'm just looking for an excuse to 'talk crap' because it's something i do relatively often...ok it's something i do ALL THE TIME.

That's totally beside the point.

So, what I want to know is:-  Who can help me??

I've got a 15 month old son, Daniel, he is an absolute cherub...BUT he is a little green devil-monster and night.  He goes to sleep with relative ease, but then.....he starts to grow horns and wakes up at round about 12 and then he is a right royal pain in the ass.  Unfortunately, he won't go to sleep without having a little drinkie-poo at the mobile-milk bar (me). Which is ok, except now he doesn't want to leave the mobile milk bar, he just wants to stay attached to it all night long, and as soon as I move away from him, he sits up in bed, points at my bosoms and then wails, desperately like he's being murdered.  Which means that i am getting, at best 2 hours sleep a night.    There is just no way i can sleep which he is sucking on me!  I wake up feeling like i've had micro-abrasion on my nipples!!

His latest trick is, after being fed, to pretend to be asleep in my arms, at which point i pop him back in his bed, then he sits up, points at our bed, throws his head back and waaaails like only Dan Dan can wail, until he's in our bed and then he requests a little drinkie, by, very subtly, pulling my Pjyama top down!  What a F&*()ing liberty!!

Yes, i have tried dummies, he can projectile spit them across the room.

Yes, i have tried bottles, he is NOT into bottles, he refuses, buttons up his mouth and screams blue murder.

If my husband picks him up at night when he wakes up, he screams and throws a massive wobbly. 

We don't agree with 'controlled crying'. 

Does anyone have any suggestions??

Please?

*rocks self gently*

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